I stopped…

…being angry long ago.

Why should I

cry for you

long for you

when there is so little time left?

The days fly past..

as if the Earth has decided

to race the sun.

I put my anger away

years ago.

I can’t remember the day -

maybe it was the day I finally knew

you loved me.

Reticent, stubborn man.

If I left you one day,

turning my back on you,

moving forward,

while you run in place -

would you race after me..

like the Earth to the Sun..

would you turn your face to me..

close your eyes

open your arms

and finally,

finally

accept what

i have always offered?

Perhaps the heat..

the white-hot drops of my love

are too much for you to bear.

It’s safer to run in place

to watch the sun from a distance,

racing away…

to the next day

to the new day.

Always

ever

never

for you to bear.

What do you want?

I ask him this

and he shrugs, says

‘I don’t know.’

I want to ask and ask

until he says -

‘To be with you

alone

together

always

A life authentic’

I ask him

‘What do you feel?’

he smiles

‘Feel this’

and I feel him

smell his skin

ruffle his hair

kiss his cheek

so smooth and sweet

He is frustrating and enigmatic

What does this man feel inside

where his heart beats strong and steady?

The heart that I joke is artificial.

‘They’re doing amazing things

with plastic these days’, I say

tapping his chest…pointing to his heart

He laughs and says

‘what do you want?’

I want it all

All of you,

every day

every night

In my bed

wrapped around me

beautiful man

man I love

man not mine.

I prayed for rain today…

…because I knew he’d come if the rain came.

He’d put his tools away and drive to the barrio…

He’d walk in

tanned and tired and covered with

paint

dirt

sweat

But the rain never came

he worked till the sun set

and called me from the driveway of his house

his other house

not his my casa chica.

Because it is mine

I paid for it in spades

in legal fees

in bank note

La casa chica

all mine

And the rain never came

the sun beat down and taunted me

with it’s relentless light

Tomorrow it might rain

but I’ll be gone

working the job that pays

for his beloved escape

And mine, también.

just 2 more

We are brown but not brown

my man and I

That man

for whom I gave it all up

just so I could give it up to him

whenever I wanted

For whom I destroyed

only to be re-created

Out on the street we blend in

We are just two more

Latinos

Mexis

Spics

Beaners

We blend in
Part of the scene

Move east down the main street and journey ever deeper into Mexico

Los Jarritos,  Indio’s, Sanchez Bros. Western Wear…

The waitress hands us the menu & speaks Spanish

until he tells her “no habla Español”

She looks confused

How could two people who look like us not speak Spanish?

I smile at him across the table
drink him in like the horchata in front of me

My old man, but not my old man

Mi amante solamente

We are older now

the laugh lines are there

even when I’m not laughing

his hair is  growing more silver than black

I tell him  ‘The older you get, the more I love you’

He laughs

And we go to my house,

to my room

our place of secrets

to make love all afternoon

It’s when I feel our blood the most

when I want to speak  Spanish

because English can’t describe what I feel

when he’s inside me

A drop of his sweat hits my back,

and like a flower

I bloom beneath him.